3 Ways to Bounce Back from Trauma

Have you ever thought to yourself…

“I’m being punished for what I’ve done.”
“God/The universe is in control.”
“Bad things always happen to me.”
“I have bad luck.”
“I’m cursed.”

You’re not alone in your thoughts.

I have spoken to many people who have believed these thoughts. I have believed a couple of these myself in the past. And, I know many people that have let go of the beliefs that have kept them feeling stuck and moved towards the ones that inspire and instill hope.

But how can you be filled with hope when you’ve had nothing but trauma, loss, and despair? Here are three things you can do to begin to bounce back from a traumatic experience.

1. Look at your willingness to change

“If there’s a will, there’s a way.”

You don’t force yourself to have bleak thoughts about yourself, other people, or the world. They just happen. But that’s the thing – thoughts are thoughts. Just because you think them, doesn’t mean that 100% of them are true.

Have you ever changed your mind about something, only realizing later you wish you would’ve thought of that situation differently? That’s the power in opening ourselves up to another way of thinking.

Your openness to doing what works is your willingness. Marsha Linehan, a psychologist and researcher who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), wrote about willingness in a powerful way:

“Willingness is doing just what is needed in each situation, wholeheartedly, without dragging your feet. Willingness is listening very carefully to your wise mind, and then acting from your wise mind.”

So, what’s stopping you from the possibility that your life could be better, that you could feel better? Is it worth telling yourself that the universe is out to get you? Is it worth living in misery?

If you’re only 50% willing to make the needed changes in your life, you’ll only get 50% results. Stop dragging your feet. Open yourself up to doing what works.

2. Develop safe self-awareness

Recovering from trauma is no easy feat, and for many people, there is an over-awareness of themselves and their surroundings. This is why we avoid people, places or situations on purpose or unconsciously – in our attempt to rid ourselves of stress.

But avoidance keeps the trauma engine going. Avoidance of your inner world is adding fuel to a fire that you’d like to see extinguished. We can’t change the way we feel, or our circumstances, if we don’t know what’s happening internally. Self-awareness is key to recovery.

However, safety first. We need safe self-awareness.

Before becoming curious about your inner world, like your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations, it’s important to develop a sense of safety. Find a safe way to feel grounded, plugged into mother Earth, or connected to a safe place, thing, or person (or your pet). This is a must.

When you begin to “tune into” your mind and body, you may have a tendency to “go” to another place emotionally, or unpleasant memories enter your mind. That’s your brain trying to protect you. Use your method to stay grounded to the room you’re in, the pet you can touch or see, & etc, as you begin to notice yourself.

This process of safely becoming aware of your inner world will often involve the guidance of a trained, trauma-informed therapist or practitioner. A trauma-focused approach, like trauma-sensitive mindfulness, should be their specialty.

3. Develop an internal locus of control

In order to bounce back from trauma, it’s important that you develop an internal locus of control. This concept was introduced by Julian Rotter in the 1950s and means that, if you have it, you believe that you have within yourself the abilities and skills to succeed in life, no matter what is thrown at you. The person with an external locus of control believes that their life is controlled by outside forces—God, fate, luck, & etc.

What we’re really talking about here is becoming resilient, which is not something you’re just born with. You can develop resilience.

Work towards finding acceptance with the changes that have happened in your life. Focus on what you can change. Set realistic goals, work towards feeling hopeful, and take action.

If the “shoes” you’ve been wearing have had you dragging your feet in life, get a new pair of shoes. If you don’t know which shoes to buy, or how to go about getting those shoes, ask for help.

In kindness,

Leya